I look around with my eyes wide open then I close my eyes to look deep inside my soul. I am searching for something to hold on to, something to build myself up with. I am looking for a meaning to my life. But I can’t come up with anything. No diploma to brag about, no accomplishment to build pride upon. I have no place in society, no presence, no bearings. I am just a shadow, a quiet little alien lost in this loud gigantic world where everyone else seems to have it all figured out.

 

The deeper I dig, the emptier I feel, the louder they become. They whose voices own my mind have lived with me for as long as I can remember. My lifelong friends, they kept me away from trouble, carefully hidden behind the high walls of my comfort zone. They taught me humility, that doesn’t seem to serve me much in a society that swears only by arrogance, confidence and pride. I hear them everyday from dawn till dusk sing to my ears the same hateful symphony. I am not friendly enough, not intelligent enough, not good enough and attractive at all. I am way too short, too big, too small, too quiet, too noisy. They are my biggest enemies. They are my only enemies. They are Me.

 

Chaos ! Complete disorder. Uncertainty and confusion. Indecisiveness, stagnation. Crippling self-esteem condition. That is the state my mind is in. That is my life right now. That has been my life for as long as I can remember. I made a lifelong mess in my head it is about time I start cleaning up.

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